Maybe it’s because James is back in town. He went to New York for a lickety split trip to see our amazing friend Harry Althaus perform his cabaret Strip Show at Don’t Tell Mama.

James said the show was great, very moving and funny, funny, funny. I’m hoping for a west coast debut for him… I wish I could have gone. Though hugely talented, Harry has been away from the stage for a while and it would have been great to see him get back to what he loves doing. But no. For three grueling days, I had to spend time with my son and feed him and make sure he went to bed and things. How do single parents do this?

The silver thing behind Ben, I’m told, is called a stove. I was taking a nap and Ben came in and said he was hungry and could he turn on the stove. Here, just a little bit of good parenting happened and I said, “no.” But instead of saying, “I’ll get my lazy butt up and cook you something” I said, “Why don’t you heat up some macaroni in the microwave?”

What I didn’t say, was that I’d meant for him to reheat the leftover macaroni from lunch. Instead, he decided to open a new box. And since I said he couldn’t use the stove, he did as I said and used the microwave instead. He put a little water in a bowl, dumped in the pasta shells and put it on ten minutes… Results to the right.

He's a little dickens...

Once the smoke cleared, he opened up the cheeze packet and licked out the dry powder. So, with the help of a few good friends and a few good restaurants, I kept Ben alive until James got back on Saturday. It really does take a village to raise a child.

So now I can get to work again. And by work, I mean Drawsome for iPad.

I’m officially addicted. It hits all my obsessive buttons. Cleverness, art, and avoiding doing anything productive. For the unfamiliar, in Drawsome, you choose from three words, (easy, medium and hard level) and then draw clues for your partner and send your picture to them. In addition to your gallery worthy art, they get the benefit of twelve letters scrambled to guess from. Both of you get points if they guess correctly. Then they choose a word and draw for you.

As a competitive game, it’s lacking. There’s no time limit, so the incentive to have them guess quickly is gone. For instance, the word was tornado. Of course anyone could draw a swirling funnel cloud, but why not draw this?

First I drew Judy Garland and Toto in black and white, then the colorful Oz scene (at the time I didn’t have a flesh-tone for Judy that really worked. She looks like Stephanie Mills in the Wiz, but I’ll take it.) and last, I drew the tornado.

Did I mention, that the recipient watches the drawing happen in real time? Excruciating for Hillary, I’m sure. But art isn’t easy.

As you accumulate points, you can either buy more colors or buy bombs that will allow you to eliminate some letters that aren’t used. I have a perfect match for Judy’s skin now, if I have to draw her in Easter Parade or even The Pirate.

Candle in the Wind. Get it

On the iPad, the tools are kind of crude. You’re drawing with your finger and if the picture is too small or too detailed, it’s hard to control. A stylus makes it marginally easier. On the iPhone, it’s next to impossible. You touch to make a dot where the eye would be and suddenly Judy Garland turns into Marty Feldman.

Currently I am playing at capacity, meaning I find myself checking out of the real world for longer than I should, but my username is dglswd if you’re so inclined. (James is going to kill me for that…)

Anyway, below are some of my recent favorites.

Ripped from the headlines...

The rules aren't ever made explicit, but to me, writing words is cheating just a little. Still, I couldn't resist.

I was going to draw a young Reece Witherspoon, but decided on this Norman Rockwell inspired drawing instead.

I suppose it should be 'Carnivale' but I'd rather draw this than a bearded lady.

One of my faves. Can't you just smell it?

So yeah, there is crazy on the horizon for me. (SUCH intense, gut-wrenching craziness on the horizon, believe me) but just for now, James is back, Ben is fed, and I’m wasting time on my iPad. Things could be worse.

Here’s a picture of my hair when I woke up.

2012 Resolutions

1. Write three short stories. (Uh..so far zero short stories. But I have a few ideas. Ideas don’t count unless you write them, do they?)
2. Get an agent for my book. (It’s possible. If the agent hacks into my laptop, finds my book, loves it and calls me. Otherwise, I’ll have to send it out which I’ve not been doing in any concerted way. Not yet.)
3. Exercise three times a week. (I knew it wasn’t going to happen even as I was writing it.)
4. Sing someplace where people (meaning non-MI students) can hear me. (I’m taking voice lessons so it won’t be embarrassing. That’s a step at least.)
5. And lastly… Take art classes. DING-DING-DING-DING! We have a winner!

As I wrote about previously, on Tuesdays I’ve been taking art classes at Art Works LA on Melrose and Larchmont. The first week, as I’m CERTAIN you read in my HILAAAAARIOUS post, we did clay sculptures using photos of this Greek statue as a model. Mine ended up being not so bad, considering I did it in four hours. (Two in class and two at home)

Portrait de femme, 1938, Picasso

The second week we did some abstract acrylic paintings of a woman seated in a chair. For inspiration we used Picasso’s Portrait de Femme, 1938. We also saw works by another artist, John Millei, who used the Picasso portrait to do a series of wall-sized, “woman in a chair” paintings, keeping a few of the elements of the original Picasso and changing others. Fascinating.

My painting was just like those guys’ paintings only just a little better because I’ve never really done any acrylic work, or abstract portraits, and since this was my first try and they got so many tries, I kind of win, don’t you think?

My “Woman In Chair” was not exactly a failure, but yeah, I’m not posting it. Something is only a failure if you don’t learn anything from it and I learned a lot. The result? If I were to describe it, my picture looked kind of like a cross between “Mona Lisa” and “Mr. Burns” on the Simpsons. Only more abstract. But not enough abstract. So there you go.

John Millei exhibit

Last Tuesdays’ class was a still life drawing with Conte crayons. They are like harder versions of pastels, but not as hard as chalk. Again, two hours.

In Los Angeles, you get arrested for carrying this many carbs around.

So yeah. It’s bread. Did you guess ‘bread?’

Overall I like it. Four colors used. White, Sienna, Umber and Ochre. (Alton translation: white, reddish brown, dark brown and brownish yellow). My main gripe is that the rye bread in the back is too much like the background color. I knew it at the time and although that frustrates me no end, I didn’t get to finish it and hey, it’s a sketch. It was extremely fun to do and I learned a lot.

The last picture I’ll share today is another Brain-Fever. It’s Brain-Fever #9. It was a quick one, maybe 2 1/2-3 weeks. Same size as the others, 20″ x 30.” So, not quite 2′ wide and 2 1/2′ tall. Medium-Big if it’s on your wall, I guess I’d call it.

Brain-Fever #9

I need to get a better method of documenting these, I realize. I promise before I post any more, I’ll get better at photographing them.

As this is an abstract, I hesitate to tell people what inspired it, so you can bring your own interpretation to it. That’s why I only call them Brain-Fevers #whatever and not, you know, “Soap Bubbles.” Then the viewer is stuck thinking, “Ah, yes. Cleanliness.” when it doesn’t really have to be that. Although the pattern of soap bubbles may have got me started, the idea of what I’m doing eventually transforms. This time I’ll share my process a little bit and see how it goes.

But first what does it look like to you? What does it make you feel or think about? Do you say to yourself, “I hope Doug doesn’t go blind like those nuns that make the lace”?

SPOILER ALERT: Stop reading here if you prefer that I remain an enigma so you can better worship me from afar. But if you want to find out how my mind works (or doesn’t work), if you’d like to know the secrets of the Brain-Fever, read on.

I started off thinking about optic nerves and the photographs I’d seen of them. The diagonal lines, the curved line and sharp focus of that side of the picture are like a microscope, with the flatter grayish part reminiscent of the area not being magnified. I considered making the white areas yellowish orange, but that seemed to be too literal. I was going to do some ghostly blue veins but didn’t do them for the same reason.

The fuchsia color is from a plant in my yard.

As I got going, the red blobs also reminded me at times of tumors, with blood vessels reaching away from them and growing browner and browner as they reach the top of the picture. Some days, it seemed instead of blood vessels, they were roads. Have you ever flown in a plane at night and seen the city lights below, especially if the city is near the mountains? The mountains seem like blank places and the illuminated roads, alive. The picture like all of them are also a little bit about connected dots and disconnected dots. My friend Amy saw it and said that when you get close, it’s as if each dot has a tiny story to tell. I like that.

The other reason I hesitate to talk in depth about my drawings is that I’ve only been doing visual art for just a few years. Sometimes I just put dots in until it looks right.Whenever something doesn’t look right, the answer is more dots.

Does every artist feel that way? Like they’re really just making stuff up and they have just the barest idea what they’re doing? Maybe I should take my Brain-Fevers more seriously, but for now, they are a fun way to occupy myself creatively.

Let me know what you think of the latest. And do you think I should name them more specifically? Like “Brain-Fever #9: Uncle Steve’s Tumors” or something? Weigh in.

I think Michelle is afraid of catching Brain-Fever...

And as a reminder,

When Brains go bad, this is what happens.

I imaginatively titled her piece Brain-Fever #8. And according to her email, “Holy schnitzel! It’s spectacular! …I love it!” What a sweetie she is.

In other Brain-Fever news, at last,  I’ve  finished Brain-Fever #7. Again, the photography is crap. The paper is white.

Brain-Fever #7

And here it is closer in.

Brain-Fever #7 Detail 1

Brain-Fever #7 Detail 2

On to my very latest, groundbreaking project. I took my first art class since sophomore year in high school yesterday. It’s sort of an overview class for adults and covers lots of different materials. Yesterday’s project was clay and as a model we had a photo of this incredible Veiled Greek Dancer Statue.

Here’s two shots of mine and one of the original.

Does this veil make my butt look big?

Very, very early Martha Graham

Not half bad, I guess. If you're into priceless Greek masterpieces.

And I’ll leave you on a final artistic note, have any of you played Draw Something? It’s basically Pictionary for the iPad. So Addictive. Here are a couple of screen-saves. In Draw Something, I tend to go for artistic integrity over speed. Why just draw a swirling cloud when you could do…

This is my 'No' face. Practice this. (The hilarious bed-hair is just a bonus.)

Thank God there aren’t more people like me.

“Can little Fredrick go over to your house for a play date tomorrow?”

No.

“We’re were thinking of coming out to California over the July 4th weekend and staying with you for a couple of weeks. Does that work out?”

No.

“We’re asking for donations for—”

No.

“…drive me to the airport? …help me move? …sub a class for me?”

I try to be polite, I may couch it a bit, but the answer is the same—No, No and No.

“We’re having a meeting for the Parent/Teacher Green Committee! You want to join us?” This was asked by a dear friend of mine, let’s call her Lolly.

“No.” Friends who should know better get the short version.

No.

Lolly is the head of the Green Committee and they were having their meeting at a table on the school playground not ten feet from where I was waiting for my son to finish tutoring. I am not, per se, opposed to reducing, reusing or recycling (as long as it’s super-convenient for me and it doesn’t stink.). There is no one on the Green Committee that I hate, which is says a lot about them. I was already there. I was not doing anything of critical importance. Why not go to the silly meeting?

Because, No.

I know how Lolly got to be head of the Green Committee, you see. Two years ago, she volunteered to bring in a few tomato plants for the school garden. Before they needed to be staked up, she was head of the committee. That’s how they get you.

Whenever there is a need, people turn to Lolly. When you need an emergency sitter, Lolly will do it, even though she’s a single mom with two kids. Lolly was the one who set up the school’s computers, she regularly gets stuff donated to the school, she’s a room parent to not one, but two classes. She somehow found herself on the school’s Gala committee. (I have never found myself accidentally on a committee of any sort, ever.) Whenever you need boxes moved, a dog walked, corn husked, or a barn raised, Lolly will be the first there and the last to leave. She has earned the reputation as a hard, efficient worker. The poor thing. Lolly cain’t say no. Cue music:

Lolly is very sweet, but sometimes she's a Sucker.

“Repeat after me,” I told her. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t possibly.’ ‘I’d love to but I can’t right now.’ ‘This isn’t a good time for me.‘ And if all else fails, you say, ‘Have you tried talking to Spencer’s mom? She’s great at that sort of thing.’”

Yes, Lolly. Go on and throw Spencer’s mom under the bus. She doesn’t mind. Because Spencer’s mom knows how to say no.

In the grand scheme of things, thank goodness there are some good-hearted people like Lolly, who are competent and dedicated, who go above and beyond. They make the world a better place. Thank goodness there are folks who collect money to save whales, and make phone calls for Barack, and protest dictators. Thank goodness I’m not one of them.

“Hey Doug, we’re going to save Princess Leia from the evil clutches of Darth Vader. Are you in?”

No.

“…kill zombies?”

No.

“…travel with Brad Pitt to save Haiti?”

Brad Pitt? Uh…. um….. No.

When kids are two, no is their favorite word. Such power, such independence come with it. The harder parents try to drum it out of their kids, the more intoxicating it becomes. Like most of you, I have seen that word turn a simple trip to the grocery store with a preschooler into a Chernobyl-sized meltdown. But what of a late-blooming preschooler? Very late…

“Doug, can you run down to the market to get milk?”

“Gee, I’m writing a blog post, right now honey. I haven’t written one in a while and you’re always after me to keep writing, so…” (The excuses go on for a bit, and may cover such topics as sinus headaches, bovine growth hormones, agoraphobia, El Niño, and terrorist threat levels and so on,  but allow me to translate them from the Doug-ese. “No.”)

Unfortunately for me, James speaks fluent Doug-ese. His response?

I may be making up for lost time. For me and a lot of folks who grew up in the Midwest, No was treated like a curse word. You had to apologize and give excuses for it, and meander, hem and haw and not make eye contact, all in the hope that people would take the hint. And if they didn’t take it, you were stuck saying yes.

NO!!!

A certain recent widow, who shall remain nameless, was planning her husband’s funeral and was worried that all of her out of town relatives would expect to stay at her house.

“That’s crazy, Mom. Just give them the number for a couple of hotels nearby,” I said. (I called the widow ‘mom,’ because we have that kind of relationship.  But clearly it is not MY mom, because the widow is nameless and my lips are sealed.)

“But they’re family,” she said. “I’m not going to make them stay in a hotel!”

“But you just lost your husband. You don’t have to put up guests. You get a free pass for this one.”

“Well, I’m just going to hint around like, with all of you kids staying here, I don’t have the room.” The nameless widow can be exhausting.

Interestingly she has no trouble saying No to me. (Why don’t you come out and spend some time in California? I’m busy.  Busy with what—is there a Grey’s Anatomy Marathon on that week? I’m not going to do it, so let’s talk about something else.)

The apple doesn’t fall too far, does it? I mean, if this were my mom, and not a certain nameless widow…

You gotta know Nancy NEVER said Yes to anything or anyone.

I tell myself that the reason I say no so often and with such relish is that when I do say yes, I can do it with an open heart. If someone asks me to watch their kid and I say yes, they know that I mean it. (At Ben’s age, having a play date is often easier than entertaining him myself. I’m not Mother Teresa here.) If someone needs me to loan them my car or to sing at their wedding, if I say yes, they can rest assured I have already thought of every potential conflict, every conceivable rationale not to. It takes but an instant.

My friend Susan calls it the ‘Small No Up-Front.’ Her theory is that it’s better to say no right away than to say yes when you don’t want to. Then you drag your feet, and procrastinate, and complain and do everything short of building yourself a pyre and light yourself ablaze for all the villagers can admire the selflessness of your sacrifice.

How many wedding gigs did I sing at in Chicago where the drummers turned to the Dark Side because they’d rather be off playing with their experimental Jazz Fusion band? All night at the wedding they’re saying that the music is crap, the audience is crap, the bass player is crap, the bandleader is crap, the wedding cake is crap (but they ate it anyway), the pay is crap. Crap crap crap and soooo inferior to their side band, where the drum solos could go on for six or eight minutes and nobody cares about the money or that there are two people in the club (the girlfriends of the guitar player and sax player) because the music is REAL.

If those drummers had only said the Small No Up Front, and declined the wedding gigs, it would have made them so much happier. (An alternative would be saying yes but keeping their yap shut, which is nigh unto impossible for an experimental Jazz Fusion drummer.)

You don’t need to be rude about it, but if you don’t like the music you have to play, you should just say No.

If the job doesn’t pay enough, say No.

If you can’t come to the rehearsals on time and in a good mood, say No.

Likewise, if you’d rather stay in, instead of coming over for dinner, say No.

If your boss wants you to work overtime, say No.

If your ten-year-0ld wants to play World of Warcraft, say No.

No.

But what if his friends play Warcraft…? Say No and invite his friends over so you can tell them, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want my son to play that game. It says ‘M’ for Mature and he’s only ten. Different parents have different rules and unfortunately, I don’t allow him to play games with that kind of violence. Sorry.” to their faces.

But what if your son says, “Awwwwwww, Come on?!!!” No.

“But whyyyyy?” He says. Now this is a tricky one. You say, “Because I don’t want you to. You’re too young. No.”

With a little practice the above conversation can be adapted for use with your whiny boss, with the Jehovah’s Witnesses, with phone solicitors. All of them need a polite, smiling push-back from time to time. Do YOURSELF a favor today. Tell somebody NO! Tell ‘em Doug sent you.

Ans with all the time you’ll save, you can read the first chapter of my book! (Uh… What did you tell me?)

Before I start the latest blog proper, I want to say thanks to everyone who is reading the first chapter from my novel NationChurch. The main reason I invited people to read it, is because I thought it has turned out pretty well. I hope you’re enjoying it.

The second reason I want people to read it, is that some of my friends are…how to say this?…opinionated. I have a comments section for those readers who love nothing more than a good old-fashioned book discussion. Still other friends of mine are…uhhh…pompous? bitchy?  You know who you are. This is your chance to wax poetical and show everyone how much smarter you are than me. Go to the comments section and cut loose.

If you want to take the Doug Challenge and read my first chapter, hoo-ray! You can click here to read it online. (I think the link works now, btw)

Or you can get the PDF here:  NationChurch Chapter 1, and you can print it out if that works better for you.

Or you can navigate there at the top of the screen (NationChurch>Chapter One).

And when you’re done, if you feel lead, take a second to let me know what you thought.

Feel free to pass the chapter along to your friends or bitchy/pompous colleagues. You can do it on Facebook. I won’t care.

Pre-Blog Part II

Here is a picture of my hair when I woke up the other day.

Why don't they test hair products on animals any more? WHY?

And now… the Blog. I am hereby officially blogging. Right now…

Happy Belated Birthday, Michelle

My sister’s birthday is February 11th. I know that.

I have known that since I was in fourth grade and she was born. In fourth grade, if you’d asked me what day her birthday would be in 2012, I would have said, “February 11th, 2012.”

“Even though it’s Leap Year?”  “Yes, even though it’s Leap Year, her birthday stays February 11th.”

And yet, here it is March 13th and I have just completed her birthday present. Why did it take so long? you may ask. I have an “artistic” relationship to time, is the answer, I suppose. Or, that’s a lot of damn dots, could also explain it. A couple of blog posts back, I showed the work in progress. I warned her ahead of time and asked her if she wanted to see it. She didn’t. She wants to be surprised. This is one way my sister and I are different.

I would have flown to California and broken into my home. I would have made 75 calls: “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” “Is it done yet?” Not Michelle.

But the Muse has come and gone and thus, I hereby unveil Brain Fever #8. WOO HOO!!

As I have said before, photographing my Brain Fevers is a tricky business requiring proper lighting, the right angle, the right exposure and focus. Naturally I took the picture with my iPhone, in my bedroom, at night to get these shots. No corner was left uncut to bring you these pictures! And yet it still looks pretty good, I think.

This drawing is the same approximate size as the other large Brain Fevers: 30″ x 20″. I started it in early December and worked on it non-stop. (That’s what I’m telling my sister, anyway. There were plenty of stops. PLENTY.) It’s composed of a gazillion tiny circles made by hand with a quill pen and India ink. Each circle is smaller than 1/16th of an inch. Unless I’m tired and they get bigger and bigger.

The comment I get most often from my Brain Fevers, especially the larger ones, is something like: “Oh, my god, Doug do you have to touch the doorknob 50 times before you leave the house, too?

No, I answer, a small smile upon my too-thin lips. Like one of those intricate mandalas made from sand by the Buddhist priests, making dot after dot after dot is a time for reflection. I find the process meditative, soothing to my soul. At least it is when I’m not catching up on my reruns of RuPaul’s Drag Race. (Latrice Royal is a big girl, but she’s gonna TAKE that crown, y’all.)

I don't know why I put a regular pen in this shot instead of the quill pen I use, but I did and now must live with the consequences.

For Brain Fever #8, I was playing with color. The effect I was going for was that from across the room, the drawing might look gray. Because of the dot patterns, it’s tricky to focus and invites the viewer to come closer, where the colors become more apparent.

The grayish looking background areas are composed of muted purple dots and muted green dots, with some areas a more purple, some more green and some areas a kind of undefinable dark gray soup. The swirlies on the sides are a medium grayish blue, with a center that is a darker purple, sometimes mixed with light and medium grays.

The colorful swoop in the middle is multicolored with a kind of darker blue spine.

Here is a shot that will give you some perspective.

I’m  not quite sure what it means, or why it reminds me of Michelle. The swirls remind me of hurricanes, but also plant growth. The swoop in the middle might be some sort of abstraction of my sister’s curls, which are notorious for changing color at the whim of Miss Clairol. I wanted her picture to be fun and vibrant, like her.

I did not try to match her couch colors. She needs to buy a couch that matches Brain Fever #8!!

Anyway, happy birthday, Michelle, even though you probably won’t read this because you want to be surprised. Now I have to find a mailing tube and take your present to the post office. Hopefully I’ll get that done before Christmas.

Post-Blog Wrap up

Here’s a little more about my book:

“The year is 2001. Last year was also 2001, as was the year before that. When the United States became the NationChurch, that glorious year was fixed and so shall remain unto the end of time.”

When a brutal theocracy seizes power, each member of the Donohue family must choose: either swim with the rising tide of fundamentalism or be swept away in the flood.

Thanks to his telegenic smile and family connections, David Donohue takes part in the redemption ceremony that will propel him into the highest strata of church leadership. Yet even before he steps onstage for the initiation rites, David must scramble to hide his secret sin from the religious police. His wife Marilyn and his daughters’ lives depend on it.

While David’s star ascends, his independent-minded mother Julia is crushed under the increasing regulations for women. As her autonomy is chipped away rule by ridiculous rule, Julia finds herself desperate to escape. And for a time, she breaks free—until her prophetic daughter-in-law Adriane returns from wandering in the desert to bring Julia back.

David, Julia, and Adriane Donohue’s lives converge and collide as phony saints are extolled, genuine miracles are doubted and fake demons attack. Ultimately, the tribulations of the Donohue family become the stuff of NationChurch legend.

Intrigued? Click here to read Chapter One.

I’ve been hard at work though, revising the first few chapters of my novel NationChurch. Hooray for me!

The first chapter is often the deciding factor in whether a novel is chosen by an agent/publisher. Moreover after chapter 1, readers are deciding whether to dive in or put the book in the garage sale. So I’d like to make sure mine is airtight.

This is where YOU come in, dear reader. I would love for you to take a look at my first chapter and let me know what you think. I have set up a little chat area on my website, separate from the blog, for you to help me out.

So first things first: you need to read my chapter. No fair commenting if you haven’t read it. (“…I don’t need to read it to know that I hate it…”)

You can read chapter one online by clicking here (with pictures! cool!).

Or if you’re old school, you can download the View/Print as PDF and print it up and read it on dead trees.

Then when you’re done reading, head over to the Discuss area where you can tell me your wonderful, insightful, hilarious comments. You can also comment on each others posts, ask me questions about my book, and I’ll post some questions there to get the conversation started.

For those of you new to my novel, getting your reaction to chapter one of NationChurch will be ever so helpful. One of the difficulties in writing longer-form fiction is pacing, and figuring out whether you’ve given enough information, too much or somewhere in between. When you’ve been writing it for a long time, it’s hard to tell the difference after a while. Does the world of the book seem interesting? The characters? Does it give you a sense of where the novel may be taking you? Is it intriguing or frustrating? Does it make you want to read more or hit your head with a board or hit me with a board?)

For those upon whom I have foisted earlier versions of my masterwork, I would be interested to hear what you think of the newest incarnation. I’ve tweaked it just a bit. Did you have a different reaction this time around? Better? Worse? Let me have it.

On the NationChurch part of my website, you can also find out about the books I used to research the book.  And you can read just a little more about the plot of rest of NationChurch, too.

Naturally, if you want to read chapter one just to enjoy it, that’s great, too. You can share it with friends (I think I even have a Facebook link…) You can share it with your sister-in-law who is a book agent. (PLEASE share it with your sister-in-law who is a book agent!!) One and all are welcome.

Thanks for the help, guys.

Doug

PS Here is one of my favorite statues from a crypt in the duomo of Milan.

Saint Chillaxin'

I am certain many of you have been waiting with bated breath (or ‘baited’ breath perhaps) for the next HILARIOUS post and I have let you down. For this I am truly sorry.

Okay, not so much.

But the good news is that I have been a busy, busy bee, making capital-A Art, working on two short stories, revising my novel, and continuing my quest to find the abs under my flabs. Progress has been made on all fronts, despite James’ discovery of a killer cashew brittle recipe. (Read about it if you dare…)

I submit for you, a new pen and India ink “Brain-Fever,” still under construction. The picture’s kind of crappy, but you get the idea. I hope to have this one finished soon so I can give it to my sister for her birthday, February 11th. Don’t tell.

Brain-Fever #8 (In Progress)

It’s one of my larger-sized pieces, meaning it’s 30″ wide X 20″ tall. It’s kind of whimsical in person. Especially since, from a distance the colors combine making it seem like grayish swirls, but as you draw closer, the colors separate from each other more and you can see the background dots are purple or green the swirls are blue and gray and the big sort of strip in the middle is all kinds of colorful. Here’s a closer shot:

Brain-Fever #8 (Them dots don't make theirselves!)

Keep in mind, each little circle is less than 1/16th of an inch. It’s still got a ways to go but I thought I’d show everyone what I’m working on.

As for my book, I’m feeling more energized than I have for months. NationChurch is the name of it, if you haven’t been scouring my site. You can learn more or even read a bit of it by clicking the links.

Over the last weekend, I went to a seminar with an amazing agent from the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency named Elise Capron. My previous plan to get an agent basically consisted of praying someone would hack into my computer, love my book, get it sold to a publisher and make me a fortune. We did some exercises, Elise read ten pages of our projects and we got to sit down and talk to her about it for ten minutes or so. Very valuable information.

The Dr. Smith plan of submitting your novel: Oh, the Pain!

Bottom line: She was complimentary of my writing but she inspired me to go back in and possibly work on the first few chapters in order to better grab an agent’s interest. She also worked with me on my query letter, an odious piece of writing that novelists must submit to agents and publishers that distills my precious, precious book into a few paragraphs.

Anyway, Elise looked at mine and had some terrific ideas to spruce it up.

The whole seminar thing was done by the Writing Pad, a group I have worked with on and off for the last few years. They’re great. Definitely check them out for all your creative writing-type needs. Plus they serve gourmet food at each class.

I promise to write another (funnier) blog post in the next week or so, but wanted to update folks on what I’ve been up to.

I’d love to get some feedback on the new Brain-Fever, on my novel, on my website or anything else. Drop me a note here and I’ll write back.